"Amazing" Grace History.

Grace & Richard History

Grace History, also known as "The First Lady of A-Z of Good" & "The First Lady", has kindly volunteered her services to Diego and myself - adding a much needed feminine touch to the A-Z's musical direction (more information on which can be found at the bottom of this page). Pictured here with her husband, the current UK base jumping coach Richard History, Grace's record collection is understandably vast, and features artists as diverse as Benny De Weille, Beck, Buddy Holly, Billie Holiday, Belle and Sebastian, Blind Willie Johnson, Blur, Bon Iver, Brian Eno, Broken Social Scene and The Byrds.

Grace has experienced nearly an entire century's worth of musical evolution.

She lists '1959' as her favourite year because of the remarkable jazz albums released, and lists 'The National' as the "best band in the world on current form".

As for her musical 'dislikes', she's careful not to needlessly offend anyone, but says of M People: "I don't like that guy with the silly hair and comedy voice".

I challenged Grace to a game of boules as we discussed her involvement with the project, without realising that she was a 3-time Intercontinental champion in the 1980's.

I won comfortably, 21-5 and 21-10, respectively.

Having battled alcoholism in the 1960's Grace has 'not had a drink in 40 years', although I'm sure she was tiddly when we last met, at a wine tasting evening she had organised.

"You used to drink to excess?", I asked.

"I'd drink to anything", she replied, "At least I think I did - three things happen when you get to my age. First your memory starts to go, and I've forgotten about the other one".

Rod Binns.

Binns was born in Austria but claims he was born in 'Osterreich'. 

Although a key part of the AZ Good team, as he possesses uber-knowledge of minimalist Oompah, he suffers from a rare affliction that makes it hard for him to enjoy music - his eyelids bob up and down in rapid fashion if a song contains drums. They close when he hears a bass (or kick) drum and flick open when he hears a snare drum.

It is therefore extremely dangerous for him to listen to anything other than mellow, classical, acoustic-based or minimalist compositions. He often gets caught out, and has an uncomfortable time if he overhears modern dance music.

"Drum and bass is music from the devil's ball sack", Binns is quoted as saying, in a rare interview with Good Housekeeping magazine last year.

You rarely see Binns outside, and he seldomly communicates with anyone at all as he's 'terrified of making the same mistake once'.

He likes baseball, eggs and listening to music in the bath whilst throwing a rubber ball against the wall.

7 weeks ago he took out £220 from a cash machine.

Binns can smoke cigarettes and feed pigeons, but not at the same time. 

Along with running baths, Binns also enjoys running errands, for cover, marathons, and for mayor. 

Godfrey Monks.

Monks, 76 years old, from Northamptonshire, currently works at 'Owlcatraz' Owl Sanctuary, handling the innovative bird site's prized owl, 'Owl Capone'.

He spends his weekends "selling all kinds of random music on Ebay".

His extensive music knowledge, cultivated as a result of 45 years continual theft from an EMI warehouse in Northamptonshire, has made Monks an essential part of the 'AZ of Good' team - and I would personally like to welcome him on board.

According to 'Owlcatraz' press secretary, Dave D. D'ozibeeki-Mikntitcsh, Monks likes antique tables, knows his times tables and eats vegetables.

He spent 4 years as a lawyer, working '23 hours a day and 6 days a week'.

Some say that he got so wrapped up with his work that it influenced the names of his 3 children "Sue", "Clark" and "Inadmissible Evidence Jr".

However, having become disillusioned with working amongst complete bastards 23/6, and frustrated by the regular judicial fines and suspensions he received for wearing dungarees in the courtroom, Godfrey's career took an unlikely twist in 1973 when he sensationally joined Calvin Klein and started modelling underwear.

Although Monks still displays humour about the termination of his contract after 4 days, admitting it was "the briefest of brief jobs", rumours are abound that his insistence on wearing his infamous dungarees for the photo shoots did him no favours.

Monks has 'enjoyed' a very tempestuous 14-year public relationship with his 2nd wife, former Conservative Member of Parliament, Virginia Bottomley, saying of her: "My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her... or something like that".

Currently estranged, Bottomley is rumoured to be having an affair with fellow member of Parliament, George Clinton.

Monks gained further notoriety when he took printing company "Kall Kwik" to court in February last year, because he 'hated the spelling of the name so much it made him nauseous'.

Monks stood up in a packed courtroom and declared:
"By keeping me waiting all day, and then eventually telephoning me much later than you said you would, you're really only taking the piss out of yourselves. Plus I find the spelling of your company's name utterly and wholly intolerable".


The case continues...

Zbigniew Boruc.

"Can you kill death?" remarked Boruc when asked if he'd like to contribute to the 'AZ of Good'.

We asked him again, but he just laughed and ran off.


He has subsequently transcribed his 'AZ of Good' selections into braille and sent them to us wrapped in vine leaves & cocoa milk.

Boruc is a luddite.

He has been irritating motorists (whom he refers to as 'mechanical terrorists') for over 15 years by pressing the 'wait' button at traffic lights and then deliberately not crossing the road when the lights turn from green to red.



It is understood that he is currently living "in the trees" around Turnham Green, although this is unsubstantiated.


Click on the title of the post to witness Boruc stage-diving in 1992...

David Wascoe.

Wasco is currently reading "Upholstery" at Leeds Carnegie University, and will be contributing to the "AZ of Good" project (more information on which can be found under the links to "AZ Good").


Born "Bernhard Jimenez" in Barcelona, August 1932, Wasco changed his name because he grew paranoid of people shouting 'Bern Jim! Bern Jim!' every Guy Fawkes night.

In 1972 Wasco had a golf ball surgically removed from his left ear following a stag-weekend prank that backfired.

He is a natural showman, and prone to extreme feats of alcohol consumption. "Some people sleepwalk, some people sleeptalk, I sleepdrink" said Wasco in an interview on the David Letterman show last year, "one night I sleepdrank 2 bottles of tequila and woke up in Tiananmen Square".

Wasco describes himself as 'quite good' at playing the guitar.


He took a year off work in 1974 to travel the globe.

His mission?

"To experience every known illegal drug".

He returned from his travels with a crude tattoo of the Sistine Chapel etched on his face and an excellent sense of smell.

Wasco, an experienced juggler, is known to juggle with garden peas, but finds juggling sweetcorn much harder: "Sometimes sweetcorn is still coated in brine, making it a tricky proposition to juggle effectively".



Click on Wasco's name at the top of this post for footage of him playing guitar, under his stage name...

Howe Thyme-Fleiss.

Howe Thyme-Fleiss is an award-winning actor, author, designer and tree surgeon. He will be contributing to "The AZ of Good" project - more information on which can be found at the bottom of this page.

Thyme-Fleiss is currently in a coma at Knutsford Psychiatric Hospital.

He likes eating food and walking really slow, but not at the same time.

When not in a coma, Howe lives in a treehouse. He has 3 kitchens in his treehouse (one kitchen for breakfast, one for lunch and one for dinner).

Howe had never sworn or used a cuss word until recently, as he was told by his parents when he was younger that if he swore then his lungs would explode. He only recently cottoned on to the fact that this did not happen to other people when they swore, and it was therefore unlikely to happen to him. His first swear words were reportedly "C*cking Hell!", but this is unclear, as not only was he alone when he said this, but his lungs exploded immediately after he said it.

Doctors are confident they can use revolutionary new techniques to replace his lungs with bagpipes, but are concerned this will restrict his speech to sudden bursts of 'Mull of Kintyre'.

He wants to be an astronaut when he grows up, like his father, and mother.

If you, like Howe, also like 'short shorts', then click on his name at the top of this post.

Lars "Rinky Dink" Knudsen.

Lars Knudsen is a contributor towards "The AZ of Good".

When not winning late night 'apres-burlesque' dancing competitions, Knudsen can be found on the seafront in Littlehampton carrying a sandwich board saying "Will Dance for Sweet Juice", in reference to his penchant for fine bourbon, and dancing.

He claims to have been born in a volcano in Peru which has given him special powers - primarily the ability to climb ladders at pace, but also the ability to sleep unaided.

He gained the nickname 'Rinky Dink' from his exploits as an ice-skater (he is the current Commonwealth figure skating bronze medalist) and insists on wearing his ice-skating boots instead of regular shoes.

Lars's wealthy father, Mark, is a market trader who owns the trademark of the trademark symbol 'TM', but Lars spurned the priviledges afforded him and earned his own keep by auctioning off many of his family's possessions whilst they were holidaying in St. Moritz.

"Rinky Dink" formed his own company in 1989 whose trade was marking out vacant lots as car parks - named 'Mark Trading' in opposition to his father Mark's trademarked 'Trade Mark' firm, Knudsen Jnr's company has failed to hit the mark and has recently ceased trading.

Click on the title of this post for one of Lars's favourites...

Dr Malcolm Auchincloss.

Dr Auchincloss is one of the selected few who will be contributing to "The AZ of Good".


Dr Auchincloss's claim to fame is that he has no set nationality. He was born on a boat whilst sailing through International waters in the Pacific Ocean and is therefore legally unable to own a passport. This means that Dr Auchincloss is able to travel, at will, to and from any country in the world, as he is a citizen of each and every one of those countries.

Dr Auchincloss has amassed considerable travelling experience as a consequence, and is thought to own properties on every continent, apart from Africa, Asia, Europe and South America.

Dr Auchincloss gained notoriety in 1971 when, having received an honorary peerage from the Queen, he was arrested outside Buckinham Palace for performing an unusual dance routine whilst wearing only cricket pads and a lifejacket. He was immediately stripped of his peerage, and disappeared from public life.

Dr Auchincloss re-surfaced in 1996, shocking the world once more - this time by winning gold in the 400m hurdles at the Atlanta Olympics.

Joseph Ouseph.

Joseph Ouseph will be contributing 20 songs to our "AZ of Good" project.


Ouseph claims to have gone to school with Phillip Schofield, and still insists that the 'Silver Prince' is in fact a natural blonde.

Aged 17, Joseph achieved some brief local fame by becoming the first Ouseph to cross the Fal Estuary unaided - something he would later claim was entirely accidental. It is now commonly agreed that he had in fact been attempting to divert the course of the estuary so that it would run within the perameters of the Ousephs' ancestral estate.

In more recent years Ouseph is perhaps better known for his controversial association with the clandestine Prussian organisation 'Sapere Audi' - answering only to the name 'Red Hawk', he can be found most Wednesdays in the beer garden at The Jolly Jack Tarr in Evesham, where staff comment that his extreme pronouncements on the late period novels of Jane Austen have contributed to an increase in the consumption of jacket potatoes and chicken goujons.

Paul Ham.

Paul Ham was the 2nd individual that we asked to donate 20 songs towards "The AZ of Good".


Paul Ham likes making plant boxes, and balconies.

That is, he doesn't make balconies, he makes plant boxes.

He likes balconies, and he makes plant boxes.

Just to clarify - he doesn't make balconies.


Despite the name, Ham 'doesn't really like' ham.

He sees the world in black and white, like a dog sees the world. The only time he gets to see normal colours is when he watches black and white films, which appear to Ham in glorious technicolour. He therefore owns a large collection of Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton & Harold Lloyd movies and featurettes.

If you, like me, trust and admire Paul Ham, then you'll click on his name at the top of this post...

Joe Violante.

Joe Violante will be contributing 20 of his favourite songs to "The AZ of Good".

First of a few trustees entrusted with the Trust, Violante's input was always going to be essential as he boasts an eclectic record collection encompassing such diverse acts as Yes, Wu Tang Clan and Kenny Rogers.

Joe won the London Marathon in 1982, and a local West London Caligraphy Competition in 1983.

He appeared on the first ever episode of "Mastermind", and carded an impressive 17 points on "Turkish pornography 1975-1978".

He fell out with best mate Alan Titchmarsh when they were both interviewd on Parkinson in 1987 - they traded insults before Violante threw a pint of milk at the gardener's chest.

He owns over 10 items of clothing and has 3 pairs of shoes.

He once famously said that he'd "rather sneeze than yawn."

Please click on Joe's name (above his picture) for a taster of what you might expect from him...

"Senator" Pitkin.

Pitkin did actually serve in the American Senate for 3 weeks in 1974 before being ejected for fraud. He was then subsequently tried for perjury in front of the Grand Jury.

Pitkin's reputation for being 'economical with the truth' was confirmed when he was thrown out of Bill Clinton's 60th birthday celebrations after it emerged he was not the son of Tiger Woods & Bette Midler.

Despite philanthropic attempts to restore his fragile reputation, Pitkin recently lost further credibility when he claimed that the Eiffel Tower was a gift to France from himself, and that 'Penguin' biscuits were made by penguins.

He fell out with fellow AZ creator Bauer when, despite Bauer never marrying, Pitkin claimed he was best man at Bauer's wedding.

Pitkin is currently CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland Group.

Diego Bauer.

This is fellow "AZ of Good" creator Diego Bauer.

As a child, Bauer was fascinated by the hand gestures and posturing of Italian policemen, so he began his life by unsuccessfully attempting to direct traffic in Neath town centre using a small spade.

He soon discovered that he also enjoyed the sound of white noise, and decided to learn an instrument. He couldn't afford an oboe or a harpsichord, so started rhythmically cupping his hand over plugholes to create avant-garde masterpieces that have since been lauded by such luminaries as Phil Collins, Lord Owen and Desert Orchid.

One of the founding fathers of AZ Good, Bauer met Pitkin working nights at his local driving range in Seville and they have endured a spectacularly eventful acquaintance ever since.

The flamboyant Bauer is rarely out of the tabloids these days due to a combination of eratic behaviour and his 'creative' dress sense. He claims to have co-written songs with Neil Sedaka for an upcoming musical, based on the life of Jeffrey Archer.

Bauer is the godfather of Pitkin's 3rd child, "Mini Pitkin".

The AZ of Good.

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What is the AZ of Good?

Why is the AZ...good?

It's a list.

A subjective, fairly extensive, collaborative list that attempts to chronicle the inspirations behind some humble music-minded folk. Created by myself and my good friend, Diego Bauer, whilst discussing our favourite music, we decided to hand pick some of these favourites for general public consumption.

This was then expanded into the cunning concept of an AZ ("of Good").

Derived from our communal record collections, it is an AZ of artists that we recommend you discover and enjoy, featuring 1 song by each in turn. We wanted some of our friends to get in on the act to provide further depth to the choices, and have asked them to contribute 20 songs or pieces of music each. You will hopefully find some reasoning behind the choices and also some links to hear them, if you so wish. It is not designed to be a 'best ever...' man-list, merely some songs we are fond of.

Whilst the site is under construction, over the course of several blogs, I will introduce you to some of the AZ Good team.

If you click on their names, above their profile pictures, you will get a special treat... from them... to you.


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