Quote, Unquote (Part 19th).

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"If I agreed with Cresswell, then we'd both be wrong."
Emperor G.Cuffield Waxwing

"My ex thinks I'm crazy.
I said I felt like killing him.
He said I needed professional help.
I hired a hitman."
Maude Coghal-Rolfe

".sdrawkcab siht daer ouy edam I"
tiG etelpmoC

"The last thing I'd want to do is criticise this blog, but it is on my list of things to do before I die."
K. De Cambridge

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
Ted Baum


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Happy Clappy.

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” 
~Thomas Merton

Shady Lane.

"Glance, don't stare
- soon you're being told to recognise your heirs
No, not me -- I'm an island of such great complexity
Stress surrounds in the muddy peaceful centre of this town
Tell me off in the hotel lobby...
Right in front of all the bellboys and the over-friendly concierge"
~ Clarence Skiboots

Blanket in the Dryer.

“It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear… It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. 

There’s nothing to hold on to.”

~Marilyn Ferguson

Illusion.

“Instead of saying all of your goodbyes – let them know you realize that life goes fast. It’s hard to make the good things last. You realize the sun doesn’t go down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.” 
~The Flaming Lips

Hunter S. Thompson.

“Like most others, I was a seeker, a mover, a malcontent, and at times a stupid hell-raiser. I was never idle long enough to do much thinking, but I felt somehow that some of us were making real progress, that we had taken an honest road, and that the best of us would inevitably make it over the top. At the same time, I shared a dark suspicion that the life we were leading was a lost cause, that we were all actors, kidding ourselves along on a senseless odyssey. It was the tension between these two poles – a restless idealism on one hand and a sense of impending doom on the other – that kept me going.” 


~ Hunter S. Thompson, The Rum Diary

Quote, Unquote (Part 18th).

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Sharing the love, as ever...


"Cresswell's so vain, I bet he thinks this quote is about him."
W.Beatty

"Cresswell is a peripheral visionary."
J.K.Rowling

"It's just as well that water can't really get 'in' to one's ears, because swimming and diving would be extremely awkward if it could."
P.Charles

"This man is as bright as Alaska in December."
D.Frost

"I know the voices aren't real, but now and again they have some magnificent ideas."

N.Cresswell

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Quote, Unquote (Steven Wright Edition).

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Steven Alexander Wright, born in 1955, is an American comedian, actor and writer who has a penchant for delivering lethargic ironic deadpan surrealist observational comedy in contrived situations.

You may remember him as the DJ voiceover guy in 'Reservoir Dogs'...



"I installed a skylight in my apartment yesterday. The people who live above me are furious."

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."

"Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song."

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes'."

"Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."

"I was walking down the street wearing my glasses, when all of a sudden the prescription ran out."

"24-hour banking? I don't have time for that."

"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, 'I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out'."




Click here...



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Quote, Unquote (Part 16th).

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"Cresswell continues to amaze and surprise.
- I'm amazed he's continuing with this nonsense, and surprised no one's had the good grace to stop him."
J.Ouseph


"Never Punch A Gifthorse... is the only blog I've read that has actually made me want to punch a gifthorse in the mouth."
M.Sheen


"It would appear that Cresswell's only purpose in life is to act as a warning to others."

S.Barker

"People (Cresswell) describe(s) this blog as '...the Gifthorse that keeps giving'. But I say 'Cresswell got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.'"

P.Beardsley 


"I haven't been so annoyed by such abject stupidity since I ate that burrito just before going to the dentists."
M.Night Shyamalan


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Quote, Unquote (Part 15th).

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Reaction to the blog that some have called (one person has called)                 'A splendid waste of momentum'...



"Finally, a guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking."
J.STEWART


"Cresswell is an impish scamp with his impish eyes on the scampi prize."
O.DEERE


"I stared at this blog for a while and nothing happened. I then continued staring at it, and nothing continued to happen."
U.GELLER


"You live and you learn. 
Or at least, in Cresswell's case, you live."
B.DAVRO


"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
D.BELLAMY


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Quote, Unquote (Groucho Marx Edition).

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Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx was a comedian and film star famed as a master of wit, with a speciality in rapid-fire innuendo-laden patter.

Born in New York City, he was the son of Jewish immigrants from Germany and France.

He made 13 films with his siblings - "Chico" (Leonard) and "Harpo" (Adolph, but later 'Arthur'), which included 'Animal Crackers' (1930), 'Duck Soup' (1933) and 'A Night at The Opera' (1935).

The two youngest Marx brothers 'Zeppo' (Herbert) and "Gummo" (Milton) did not develop their stage characters to the same effect, and eventually left to pursue other careers. Gummo was not in any of the movies; Zeppo appeared only in the first 5.

His death, of pneumonia at the age of 86, was somewhat overshadowed by the death (3 days previously) of one Elvis Aaron Presley.

Groucho was described by Woody Allen as 'the best comedian America ever produced - unique in the same way that Picasso or Stravinsky are'.



"Before I speak, I have something important to say".


"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"


"I refuse to join any club that accepts people like me as a member".


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it".


"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining".


"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough".


"I find television very educating. Every time someone turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book".


"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted".






Click here for a clip of the great man...

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Quote, Unquote (Part 13th).

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"I have always taken the view that if you're not at the table, you're likely to be on the menu".
M.BROUGHTON


"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die".
C.SZIC


"When discussing my hereditary and genetic deficiencies, I discovered that I should probably choose my future audience more carefully - my mum and dad had seemed a tad disheartened by my outburst".
SIR CHARLES DODGSON


"I'm not interested in money. I just want to be wonderful".
M.MONROE


"The secret source of humour itself is not joy, it's sorrow. There is no humour in heaven".
M.TWAIN


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Quote, Unquote (Part 12th).

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"This blog is as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle".

B.WILLIS

"This blog reminds me of the ocean. It makes me sick."

B.OCEAN

"The more I think of this blog... the less I think of this blog".

L.PASO

"You should always try to read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. 
  ...I'm never reading this blog again".

R.BUCKLE

"How young can you die of old age"?

S.WRIGHT

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Quote, Unquote (Part 11th).

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"Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech".
A.KEY-BACH

"Cresswell has been compared to many great men. Unfavourably. But he has been compared to them".
J.OUSEPH

"No-one thinks more highly of Cresswell than I do. And I think he's a moron".
J.CLOTH (Primary school teacher)

"What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity".
S.PALIN

"Cresswell has both oars in the water, unfortunately they're on the same side of the boat".
M.PALIN

"If I'm going to work for an idiot, I may as well work for myself".

N.CRESSWELL

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Quote, Unquote (Part 10th).

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"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand".
CONFUCIUS

"A lie told often enough becomes truth".
LENIN

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything".
M.TWAIN

"That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in the next".
JS MILL

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up".
M.DUBBS


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Quote, Unquote (William Hazlitt Edition).

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William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

William Hazlitt was an English writer, remembered for his humanistic essays and literary criticism, and as a grammarian and philosopher.

He is now considered one of the great critics and essayists of the English language, placed in the company of Samuel Johnson and George Orwell, but his work is currently little-read and mostly out of print.

During his lifetime he befriended many people who are now part of the 19th-century literary canon, including Charles and Mary Lamb, Samuel Taylor Coleridge and William Wordsworth.

Following his death in 1830, Hazlitt was buried in the churchyard of St Anne's Church, Soho, London. One of Soho's fashionable hotels is named after the writer - "Hazlitt's Hotel", located on Frith Street, is one of the homes William lived in.



“No one has said to me, Believe this, do that, say what we would have you: no one has come between me and my free-will”
William Hazlitt.


“I have naturally but little imagination, and am not of a very sanguine turn of mind. I have some desire to enjoy the present good, and some fondness for the past; but I am not at all given to build castles in the air, nor to look forward with much confidence or hope to the brilliant illusions held out by the future.”
Essay On the Past and Future (1822).


“Seeing all this as I do, and unravelling the web of human life into its various threads of meanness, spite, cowardice, want of feeling, and want of understanding, of indifference towards others, and ignorance of ourselves, - seeing custom prevail over all excellence, itself giving way to infamy - mistaken as I have been in my public and private hopes, calculating others from myself, and calculating wrong; always disappointed where I placed most reliance; the dupe of friendship, and the fool of love; - have I not reason to hate and to despise myself? Indeed I do; and chiefly for not having hated and despised the world enough.”
On the Pleasure of Hating (c. 1826).


“So I have loitered my life away, reading books, looking at pictures, going to plays, hearing, thinking, writing on what pleased me best. I have wanted only one thing to make me happy; but wanting that, have wanted everything.”
On My First Acquaintance With Poets (1823).


"I was at that time dumb, inarticulate, helpless, like a worm by the way-side, crushed, bleeding, lifeless; but now, bursting from the deadly bands that bound them... my ideas float on winged words, and as they expand their plumes, catch the golden light of other years. My soul has indeed remained in its original bondage, dark, obscure, with longings infinite and unsatisfied; my heart shut up in the prison-house of this rude clay, has never found, nor will it ever find, a heart to speak to; but that my understanding did not also remain dumb and brutish, or at length found a language to express itself, I owe to Coleridge."
On My First Acquaintance With Poets (1823).






Quotes supplied by Joseph Ouseph of Rupert Road, Sheffield.

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Quote, Unquote (Part 8th).

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It does exactly what it says on the zinc.

Silly me, I mean 'tin'.


"This blog is as useful as a disconnected phone line."
M.ERR-THOMPSON

"I'm so tired, my eyes are like deserts and my brain is slower than the slowest of slow coaches - caught in quicksand and low on gas...with a grumpy tortoise asleep at the wheel."
G.OSBORNE

"Old too soon. Smart too late."
M.TYSON

"This blog is crazier than a monkey puzzle tree in a lake full of bourbon biscuits."
M.HESELTINE

"I like to read it, read it.
I like to read it, read it."
M.STUNTMAN



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Quote, Unquote (Part 7th).

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The views of the general public on what's radically becoming an institution...


"Even Bjork thinks this blog is too odd."
D.LYNAM

"Let's hope that, like the revolution, this will not be televised."
G.SCOTT-HERON

"I get no kick from champagne, or this blog".
P.CETERA

"Cresswell is like a bird without a song, a slice of gammon without the accompanying pineapple ring, a structurally secure building in Pisa, a broken tannoy, a guard of honour with no honour, a ladder in your tights, a seasick lifeboat captain. He is the monkey with a monkey on his own back and a voice that hears no laughter."
E.HOLMES

"I hate Jedward more than any of you could possibly understand."
N.MANDELA


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Quote, Unquote (Part 6th).

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Further comment on this award-winning blog*:


"This blog never fails to live down to expectations".
R.KID

"This blog is brilliant. We're thinking of changing our name, as a tribute, to 'Blog Party'."
K.OKEREKE

"This blog is to critical acclaim what Jedward are to original musical compositions - strangers."
R.WHITES

"Reading this blog is extremely exhausting. I think I'd rather do the 'hokey cokey' for a few hours, with the Hamiltons, than read any more."
P.MOORE

"Sensing the growing disillusionment with this blog, I'd like to say something positive about it...but I can't. I feel like it's the cat that's missed out on the cream, and has to make do with soya milk instead."
R.KEMP




* = Winner of the award for 'least impressive debut' at the National Blog Awards

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Quote, Unquote (Part 5th).

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Reaction spills out of every nook...

"When you take into account the immense thought, and effort, that it's taken Cresswell to write this blog - you have to ask yourself (and him) "Why?"
H.MIRREN

"A visionary, like Orson Welles, Cresswell is not. He has more in common with Terry Nutkins."
T.NUTKINS

"I garner more pleasure from smoking menthol cigarettes, eating cannelloni, and watching Perry Mason".
A.MURRAY

"How the hell is this man allowed to continue with this charade?"
V.PUTIN

"I left this blog in El Segundo."
D.BAUER


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