Piano.

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Stuff you overhear...



Man A: "The kid next door can't play the piano. And I wish he'd stop trying."

Man B: "I used to play the piano."



*complete silence*



Man A (as he gets off the train): "Cheers then mate, see you later."




(Two middle-aged men on the Overground at Dalston Kingsland).
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Afternoon.

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Stuff you overhear....

"Of course you can come around on Sunday, my dear old thing! But please bear in mind that by the late afternoon I've usually had a couple of glasses of Champagne, so might well be merry or snoozy".



Elderly lady (to her friend), Coffee Shop, Twickenham.

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Leg.

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Stuff you overhear...


Joseph Ouseph and myself were enjoying a quiet beverage, when:




"I'm sorry mate, I don't care what you say - you don't piss on your mate's leg."






An Australian gentleman to his friend, Covent Garden beerhouse, London.


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Tree.

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Stuff you overhear...


A Christmas conversation:


Person A: 'Are you going to come with me to pick out a Christmas tree?'

Person B: 'No. If you can't carry it back by yourself, then it's too big.'




(I'm going to let you speculate on the genders of 'Persons A & B'...)

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Cake.

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Stuff you overhear...


"I've got just about everything now ...all we need to get is some brandy to pour over the Christmas cake."

>>>"Don't bother - I've got brandy miniatures at home."


*silent pause*


*silent pause becoming awkward*



"How come you have brandy miniatures at home?"





- Husband gives away too much information, wife becomes concerned.      (267 bus towards Hammersmith)


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Ears.

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Stuff you overh-ear...


"I was always told that you should never put anything smaller than your elbow into your ear".


(Concerned parent, H22 bus)



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Coats.

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Stuff you overhear...

"Butlins is red coat, Pontins is blue coat.


No, wait, Pontins is red coat, Butlins is blue coat.

*pause*



Do they have coats at Center Parcs?"


(Conversation between two middle-aged gentlemen, waiting for the R70 bus.)



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Airport.

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Stuff you overhear...


"If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport".


A frustrated customer in Argos


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