Wednesday, 10 November 2010

The Case Of The Missing Blog.


My Dear Ouseph,

I have gathered some questions for you to use in your preparatory lecture initiation, as requested:

1) Whose smart idea was it to put an 's' in 'lisp'?
2) Why do we press harder on the remote control when the batteries are flat?
3) Why does the sun lighten your hair, yet darken your skin?
4) Why do toasters have such unreasonably high expectations of us?

That should be enough for now. Food for thought, at least. 
Let me know if you need more. 

I'm writing this from my hotel jail, whilst stalling on updating a blog I've been conducting. 
I've been slack, and it is not fresh. 
So I should update it. 
Hey, how else will the Brincliffe Ladies Colts know what time the Yeckford Masters kicks off next weekend?

My arrival in MK was fractious. 
The guard tannoyed late and I clumsily spilt my capri-sun on my neighbour's glasses case. I made the exit, but not before my coat got tangled in the luggage boom.
I saw five people in the darkened concrete walk from the station to the hotel. Two were arguing like crazy folk, one was gipping into a hedge, and the other two were (I believe) having sex.

The conclusions I've arrived at are varied, yet somehow remain consistent and irrefutable. 

This place is a mecca for skateboarders, business minions, low maintenance middle-aged grafters and the easily pleased. 
There's one thing I don't understand... where are all the skateboarders? I've never been so tempted to start skateboarding, and considering I've never been tempted to start skateboarding at all, that's really saying something.

My welcome at reception was warm and considered. Paul delighted himself in volunteering important information, thus: 
"We've put you in one of the family rooms on the ground floor, it's one of the nice ones!" 
I smiled, thanked him and took the room key. 
Having stayed here on and off for the last 3 or 4 months I nearly leaked my tepid excitement in the lobby. When I opened the door, however, I realised that the room was exactly the same as all the others I had stayed in. 

Only there was no hairdryer. And one extra spoon for soup.

Must dash - I gotta put my all into this here blog-a-log, and then try and locate who or what is causing that awful smell.

Very best,



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