Sentimental, Mental, Tall.

My life changed forever the day I left primary school.

Doesn't everyone's?


Most of my friends were leaving with a group of friends who would be following them to a new school, usually in the local area.


None of my friends were following me to my new school.



I was very upset that none of my friends would be with me at my new school.

I was grumpier than an old sourpuss who had gotten out of the wrong side of bed, tried to make a cup of tea, discovered that there was no milk in the fridge, and then realised that the clocks had gone back so they could’ve enjoyed an extra hour in bed.

As millions of others will testify, you go from being a large carp in a quaint little village pond, knowing every inch and every inhabitant of that pond like (extended) family, to becoming a mere pebble on a beach with...well, millions and millions of pebbles on it.

I was displeased with the on rush of time and the changes that lay ahead of me.




Or so everyone thought.



I was secretly delighted.

It was a chance to start again.

I got rid of more unwanted baggage that day than at Debenhams’ January clearout sale. No one knew me there, no one knew how irritating I was, how upset I’d get if Liverpool lost, or that my mum used to call me “Pickle”.

They soon found out though, of course they did.

I’ve always irritated others, occasionally garnering pleasure from doing so. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t help myself. When someone is visibly counting up a maths problem, deep in concentration, I will shout out random sets of alternate irrelevant numbers to put them off.

I’ve always been irritating…and irritable...sometimes (often) at the same time.

It’s a constant battle, trying not to be too annoying, a battle I’ve been losing for years. I guess that's why I love my 'old' friends so much - they've been putting up with my nonsense for years, and I have no idea why.

My new school was in Ravenscourt Court – a dirty, noisy, busy, Central(ish) London sprawl – it seemed a world away from my sleepy suburban origins and was a huge culture shock for a young lad used to war memorials, antiques, trees and ironmongers.


I was now dwarfed by the bright lights of KFC, 7-Eleven, Ryman and a variety of Wetherspoon public houses.


One of the first lessons at my new school earmarked the path that I was due to tread.

We had to stand up and write ‘3 words to describe yourself’ as a means of social introduction.


One person put ‘Strong, Clever, The Best’, and suffered immeasurably as a consequence for the following 7 years.


Another wrote ‘Stupid, stupid, repetitive” (we became close friends).


I wrote: ‘Sentimental, mental, tall’.




It was completely under-appreciated.




Well, really...

What would you have written?